"I can feel myself falling apart, but I don't know how to catch the pieces.. I'm really scared"
"I can't do this again! I can't go through this again. I can't. My body just healed from the last guy a few moths ago. I was finally free of the memories. I was doing good! I can't... not again. I can't do this."
"I don't want to heal. Am I supposed to spend months healing again only to have another man do this to me? What's the point? What's the point to any of it?"
"I... It's my fault it happened this time. I didn't fight like I should have. After he started getting angry I stopped fighting so he wouldn't hurt me like the others did... I lost out of my own cowardice."
"I feel empty and that scares me... I can't make myself truly care. Can't find that anger that helped me in the past. I'm just numb. I heard of girls committing suicide after something like this happens and I never really understood... I get it now though."
"The worst part is feeling him again. As soon as I close my eyes I can feel his hands on me, his body on mine... It's as if he's here and I didn't actually get away."
By the time two days had past I'd exhausted my emotions and was just serenely calm. "I'd been through this before, I could handle this. Why did it need to affect me at all? I'm fine"
. . . And then a couple men asked me out on dates and my heart started going the speed of a G6 airplane.
. . . I saw my dad two days later and it took all of my self control not to go sprinting out the door and hide in my car.
And I realized that I was not fine, That I had been severely injured - on a very deep level... And I didn't have a clue as to how to fix that. I could act fine all I wanted, but I was very hurt. I am very hurt.... Ignoring that would not make it heal.
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